Touching

I work from home. I supervise other people that work from their homes. I've been in my position for the past two and a half years. My employees are my friends and I care for all of them.

Tonight, one of them (who moved to Chicago to care for her ailing mother) called to tell me she'd had her new baby girl...and then she told me what she did with the umbilical cord blood. My employee, my friend with whom I cried when Logan was diagnosed, donated her cord blood to a company that uses stem cells to research Type 1 Diabetes.

The reason she did this? Because when I took time off to care for Logan in December when he got home from the hospital and before he went back to school, I told all the ladies (and the few gents, too) why I had been gone and what was going on with my family. Considering I have nearly 100 "employees" it wasn't a small announcement.

My friend in Chicago thought of my son when deciding what she wanted to do with her cord blood and the stem cells therein...a 10 yo thousands of miles away whom she's never met...and all the other children in the same situation that I mourn for each day. I think she's absolutely amazing.

Shade Your Eyes!

Lexi, Daddy and I helped Lexi paint ONE wall in her room a bright pink. We rearranged her room, got her new sheets and a comforter plus some wall stickers - all in Littlest Pet Shop.

Here's how it all turned out:

FYCD Camp!

I sent Logan off to a week-long diabetes camp, begrudgingly on his part, on June 21. We celebrated Father's Day the day before and we went shopping for all the things he needed for the five days I'd be handing my baby over to very smart and experienced but virtual strangers.

In the end, Logan had a blast and can't wait to go back.

Diabetes Camp Next Week

One week from today, I'll drop off my 10 year old son who has had diabetes for 6 months at diabetes camp. He'll be gone for 5 nights. The closer the day gets (and the more he reminds me that I scheduled it on Father's Day), the worse I feel. I've never been away from him for so long. He and his sister are my life. Everything I do is for them. I'll miss him sooooo much!

Pump Site Change Fiasco

Yesterday, the first day of Summer Break for my kids, was a disastrous site change. Logan's site was bothering him and even though I'd wanted to do his site change at night, we attempted it in the day.

My first and second problems were that I couldn't find the IV Prep and then I couldn't find R2D2 (the inserter). I thought I could clean the site with an alcohol swab and insert the site myself. Apparently, there's a reason they give you IV Prep. It didn't stick and we were stuck without a site in.

I manually inserted Logan's site and almost felt sick because I could feel the layers of skin even though I tried to go as fast as I could.

Since the site fell out so quickly, I tried to keep calm (this is only my second site change on my own since he got the pump). I called the Diabetic Center that I get all his supplies and asked if they were Rx or if I could just come buy them. They're not Rx.

I told the kids we had to leave right THEN and, miraculously, they knew where their shoes were and got them on immediately and we left. I did get roped into promising them ice cream once we had taken care of Logan.

Stupidly, I confused myself on the location of their office and was off by 10 blocks while Logan was in the back telling me he didn't feel good but he was refusing to check his blood. I pulled over and called the Center to get their address. When we got there, I told Logan he was not to get out of the car until he checked his blood. I went in and waited in line. Logan followed us in (I would have gone right back out if he hadn't come in within a couple minutes) and announced his blood sugar was 67 but he didn't want to eat the kind of crackers we had in the car. I gave him a glucose tablet that I keep in my purse and told him to sit in one of the chairs till it was our turn.

It took a while but we got our supplies and $85 later (not Rx items and the insurance wouldn't cover them since we just got them and lost them), we went back out to the car and inserted his site with no problems.

I get emotionally drained when things don't go smoothly. I really just wanted the day to be over. I called my husband and could see his office building while we were talking. I said that I just wanted him to come home with us...so he said to pick him up. He cleared it with work and left early to help take some pressure off me. It helped and it made me feel better having him home.

...and then my sister and bil came over to help install our new-to-us washer and dryer (which we got an awesome deal on!). Thank goodness because the other washer couldn't be used because it leaked horribly.

NOT a good first good day of summer vacation. :(

The PUMP!

We went to our appointment today thinking they would use a dummy pump to teach us how to use his MiniMed. When we got there - they had his PUMP there ready to hook up.

We are now on our saline trial till Monday morning when we'll switch to insulin.

I will admit I had a bit of a breakdown and I cried. All those mixed feelings coming out again. :P

SO CLOSE!

We go in to get training for Logan's MiniMed tomorrow afternoon. On Monday, we have a doctor's appointment at which he'll receive his new pump. He'll have a saline trial and at the end of the week is the last day of school. At that time, I'll switch him to insulin in his pump.

I have such mixed emotions. I've been dying to get a pump since he was first diagnosed nearly 6 months ago and yet, I still grieve for the change in his life. Sometimes, I ask "why us?" and other times, I just cry.

Will the grieving end? I still feel like such a novice at the Type 1 thing...will I ever be comfortable making decisions that affect Logan's body so much? I mentioned to my husband the other day that I honestly cannot believe that we've kept him alive and mostly healthy for this long...isn't that a horrible thought less than 6 months in?

I sometimes feel the pressure of this never-ending disease and weighing very heavily on my heart and mind. I have to stop my thoughts because it's just this eternal ring of 'what ifs' and 'why nots.'

At the end of every day, I thank God that my children made it through another day with no major catastrophies. I am so exhausted by the time we go to bed...I need a vacation from the diabetes and the worry.

Mother's Day

We spent Mother's Day at the in laws with the cousins. My kids spent some time with their cousin Sam playing in a creek by the house.

It was a great day. The kids played and entertained themselves. My husband and his brothers reminisced...lots of funny stories.

I got wii fit that Lexi's dying for me to get out so she can play. I think I'll finally do that today.

A1c Report Card

Anyone else feel like their child's A1c is their report card?

Two months into his diabnosis, Logan's A1c was 8.1. The doctor said it wasn't bad. The goal for his age group is anything below 8.

I bought a $9 A1c test at WalMart about ten weeks after the first A1c test and got the results today (they had my email address wrong and I should have called to check sooner)...ready to see my grade? 6.8! In ten weeks, his A1c dropped 1.4 points - I know some adults that are jealous of his A1c!!

One Step Closer

Got a call from the nutritionist clearing our week's worth of food logs that I faxed in on Monday. She recommended I double check what our second insurance will pay towards the pump and whether or not we need to order the CGMS with the pump or wait.

We have four and a half weeks left...and every time I watch my little boy give himself a shot, I can't help but wish I could be the one going through it rather than he. One day closer every day to a cure for all the children that suffer like mine...

Only Six Weeks!!

We're on track to start Logan's saline trial six weeks from today! I know I've got a lot more to learn but I was so happy when they told me the date he'd get his pump that I had to hold back tears.



No one but another parent of a Type 1 child can even begin to understand the feelings surrounding a diagnosis, life change, education, control and everything else that goes along with your perfect child's changed perfection. I would never call Logan anything less than perfect even with Type 1. It's his challenge in life, his cross to bear - but to me, he's still the perfect little bright eyed baby I gave birth to ten and a half years ago.


I have a business trip to go on in a couple weeks and I was sort of counting the days till I leave but now I'm counting the days till our lives change for the better and my baby gets the pump he's been asking about since December 6. Six weeks from today will be one of those momentous days that I'll never forget.

Insulin Pumps

Our family went to our first pump class. We learned about the differences between the brands and talked about the one we thought would be best for Logan. For now, he's decided on the MiniMed...on to the next class to get us through the next few months till we get the pump and the CGMS.

Easter

If you ever want a kid-free week, buy your kids a wii and let them pick a couple games. We've not gotten one before because I'm not a fan of game systems since I have a husband and son with addictive personalities who can't seem to turn them off.


I haven't seen the kids all week. They come home from school and after I make them do their homework and eat dinner at the table, they're downstairs on that thing. The arguing has even lessened because they know I'll take the wii away if they argue. lol

This is the bundle we got the kids for Easter. Absolutely not one single piece of candy from the Bunny. Grandma and Grandpa had arranged a short egg hunt at their house and at the end, they had a goodie bag for each child. The kids each got a GameStop gift card (yes, we had to stop for them to buy a new game on the way home), some beef jerky and other small things.

It ended up being a good day. The kids all got along well, the adults got to visit for quite a while...just a good day all around.

When we got in the car to go home, I heard my phone's tone for letting me know there was a message. It was my niece saying she had on her Hannah Montana T-shirt, bracelets and purse and was all ready to go to the movie. This niece had just had a party for her 9th birthday and along with a card saying I'd take her to the movie, I bought her and my daughter all those things...so they'd match cuz it's cool when you're that age ;)

Hannah Montana ended our night and we got home close to 9pm...and at that time, I was really glad I had decided to get the kids a wii so I got to sleep in that morning.

Another Spring Break Activity

We went to Nickelcade! My sister, her husband and three kids plus my niece and her two kids went with me and my kids to play video games. I really wasn't looking forward to it but the weather was awful and I was trying to keep the kids from driving me nuts till Spring Break was over. I did have fun playing skeeball. I always forget how much I like I like that.

I won't include the pics of my nieces and nephew for the sheer fact that I don't feel I should post their pics without permission from their parents since my blog is public. Sorry for not having more pics of Logan but I noticed I didn't take any more of him from the front in which you can't see the other kids' faces.

Can you see the pink stripes in Lexi's hair? These are temporary but we may do permanent ones for the summer.

Our Day in Pictures

We went to feed the ducks today...

Panic

OMG! We had a rushed morning. When we were getting ready to take the kids to school, I asked Logan to check his blood while I brought the puppies in and fed them. When I went to get the puppies, only Logan's puppy (named Gadget) was there; he was standing by the open gate looking out. I called for him to come in and as I went out the back door to search for the other puppy, I shouted to the kids that the gate was open.


Lexi immediately freaked out and started crying about her puppy. I told her to find her other shoe really quickly and help me come look for Trinket. Well, she couldn't find her other shoe so she really lost it. I went one way down the sidewalk calling Trinket's name (she's not quite 7 months so she *kind of* knows her name). I thought I better walk the other way to check the other side of the house...and there she was, trying to get into the back yard through the fence without the gate. lol


In the confusion, I forgot to make sure Logan had taken his blood and just now remembered. I called the school and had them ask Logan to check his BG. He called me back and said "Mom, I was 128 this morning. I didn't forget." I was so proud of him! Now, he did do a big no-no and didn't eat breakfast so I asked him to check again and eat one of the snacks we supply the school with if he needed to. He called back and said he's at 105 but feeling a little feverish (I did notice he was warm this morning). Sounds like I may be going to pick him up...but I'm so proud of him for taking care of himself even when his mom and sister panic about a lost puppy.

Here's the little turd that caused our morning panic and caused the kids to *barely* make it to school on time.

I'm Not Alone Afterall...And Neither Are They

Yesterday, I got a phone call from the school psychologist whom we consulted in January for some help with emotional coping mechanisms. He called to check on Logan and I but he also had a request.

My T1 son, Logan, is in fourth grade. He is a very compassionate kid. Apparently, there's a little boy in the same grade (we'll call him W to keep it less confusing) whose parents are getting a divorce. On top of this divorce, W's family and his best friend's family have had a falling out. Due to the falling out, W's best friend has become friends with another boy who has joined the best friend in bullying this 10 year old whose family is being torn apart at the same time.

The psychologist chose three boys in fourth grade that he was hoping will embrace W, be friends and help him through the turmoil in his life. The three boys he chose include kids that are very kind, compassionate and also have 'differences' or 'difficulties' in their lives. My Logan, of course, is diabetic and dealing the best he can with that. My Logan's best friend is another of the chosen boys. He has allergies and anxiety issues. The third boy is one that I am familiar with. I went through school with his mother and attended high school with his mother and father. This third boy's parents have been through a divorce and now the mother is in jail on drug charges.

For me, I look at my boy that we've been struggling so much with over the past almost 4 months...and I remember him talking about his new friend, W...a few weeks ago. That school psychologist definitely knows what he's doing putting these kids together and asking that they take care of each other. They're already friends and I hope their relationships will strengthen and that they end up learning much and helping each other.

W's problems have nothing to do with diabetes, drug-addicted parents, allergies or anxiety but these are every-day struggles in our children's lives. Friends with struggles give them something to cling to - to know they are not alone in their struggles, though their trials are different.

Holidays...candy and crap :(

Ok, I like candy as much as the next mom (obviously :P) but I HATE that every single holiday revolves around food - mostly candy - for kids. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter - even the 4th of July is celebrated with many BBQs and treats for the kids!

I've always been concerned for the health of my children but with holidays, I get lax. I'm struggling with what to do with holidays now that Logan is diabetic. Christmas was different last December. With a newly-diagnosed diabetic in the family, we filled his stocking with NO candy. He did get some beef jerky but that was about the extent of the food. The poor kid restricts his diet enough on his own. I want him to be able to eat what the other kids around him have - with little thought on the differences it means for him.

I've really been struggling with Easter coming up...cuz what goes in an Easter basket except CANDY? We had an incident yesterday with candy. Logan didn't want to come with me to pick up Lexi's meds (she has strep) and go to the store. I told him I'd be home in a while and I took my phone with me. While I was gone, Logan took 1 unit of insulin and ate enough candy that he probably should have taken 3 or even 4 units. When I got home and asked him about it, his blood sugar was 247...and climbed to 263 in the next half hour before dinnertime. Of course, he didn't want to eat dinner since he'd eaten so much candy and didn't really feel that good because of how high his blood sugar is.

I NEVER get angry with Logan over his BG. I know it isn't easy being diabetic. I know that he's only 10 and doesn't realize the full severity of his disease. If we have an incident like this (or on the other spectrum, he took 7 units a couple weeks ago when he should have only taken half a unit), I try to use it as a learning experience. I want him to be as independent as he can be...but I know that he needs my help when determining how much insulin he takes. His guesses aren't as logical as mine are.

Back to Easter...sure, I may put some candy in the kids baskets but I think they'll be more full of small toys, a DS game and we may get a Wii for the family.

I Care

The other night as we were getting ready for bed and I was reminding Logan to take his Lantus (this kid is awesome - he takes care of all his own shots!), Alexia became upset. In her frustration, she angrily blurted out "All you care about is Diabetes and Dad!" Trying my hardest to keep my mood light, I responded "I don't care about Dad." I giggled. Lexi didn't think I was very funny but that did change the mood in the room.

I know that Lexi feels left out and ignored by the amount of time I spend micro-managing Logan's disease. I remind Logan many times a day about different things he needs to do to take care of himself. I constantly ask him about his blood glucose. We talk about every little thing he puts in his mouth. Poor Lexi has dealt so well with this for so long...but it's now to the point that she's feeling like I spend all my time taking care of Logan and not her.

I do care and I try my best to give each child some undivided attention. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like that's helping Lexi right now. I think we'll start some mommy/daughter dates as others have suggested. I just have to find the time.

Three Months

Where to begin? The last three months have been the longest three months of Logan's life.

Logan was born October 26, 1998, in Bountiful, Utah at the same hospital that I was born. On December 6, 2008, he was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes...and the roller coaster began.

Because of my family history, I was expecting a diagnosis of diabetes for myself at some point in the future. I never expected my 10 yo son to get a Type 1 diagnosis. It was devastating.

I'm familiar with Type 2 Diabetes but I learned so much at Primary Children's during the two days Logan spent there. Tears were my friend as I began a journey of worrying so much that I couldn't sleep and didn't want to eat. After two days, Logan came home. There are so many changes to life that all started with this diagnosis.

My goal is to be the perfect mother that gets up early, showers and cooks breakfast before my kids even get up. I'll clean the house while they're at school each day. I'll spend all my time with them, helping them do their homework and just enjoying my time with them. Yeah, not gonna happen anytime soon.

I try to be a good mother but I struggle. I struggle with balancing my life; 40+ hours working each week, cleaning, laundry and being patient enough to enjoy playing with my kids. I love them with all my heart and I WILL get to be a better mother to them in my strides to help Logan take good care of himself while not ignoring Lexi at the same time.