We go in to get training for Logan's MiniMed tomorrow afternoon. On Monday, we have a doctor's appointment at which he'll receive his new pump. He'll have a saline trial and at the end of the week is the last day of school. At that time, I'll switch him to insulin in his pump.
I have such mixed emotions. I've been dying to get a pump since he was first diagnosed nearly 6 months ago and yet, I still grieve for the change in his life. Sometimes, I ask "why us?" and other times, I just cry.
Will the grieving end? I still feel like such a novice at the Type 1 thing...will I ever be comfortable making decisions that affect Logan's body so much? I mentioned to my husband the other day that I honestly cannot believe that we've kept him alive and mostly healthy for this long...isn't that a horrible thought less than 6 months in?
I sometimes feel the pressure of this never-ending disease and weighing very heavily on my heart and mind. I have to stop my thoughts because it's just this eternal ring of 'what ifs' and 'why nots.'
At the end of every day, I thank God that my children made it through another day with no major catastrophies. I am so exhausted by the time we go to bed...I need a vacation from the diabetes and the worry.
Posts
